create it. raw.: April 2012

Friday, April 27, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

day 117

oh dearest neoguri, oh how i love thee... we've had a lifelong love affair so far, haven't we... sigh.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

the hamsta life

i don't why this made me laugh so much but i couldn't stop giggling:

it kinda reminded me of the kia hamsters, which simultaneously creep me out a little and also totally make me laugh...

everyday i'm shufflin'!

(nyc)

Monday, April 23, 2012

jenna fischer

love this article by jenna fischer from the office, she gives such a grounded, real view on the life of an actor...
http://www.dailyactor.com/2009/03/jenna-fischers-advice-to-actors/

(nyc)

gratitude

two of you know where and what this picture is... super grateful.

(nyc)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

recently i had lunch with a screenwriter friend and we were talking about a date gone bad. basically, the girl questioned his career of choice and how he spends his days. she wasn't trying to be mean, just very logical. the conversation went something like this:

girl: so how long does it take you, on average, to write a screenplay?
my friend: well, now, about 3 to 4 months or so.
girl: and how long is an average screenplay?
friend: about 110 pages.
girl (doing the math): so you're telling me that you write about a page a day?
friend: um, yes, i guess so.
girl: and this takes you all day?
friend (actually being a very disciplined writer): um, yes.

how do you explain to someone that getting that one page takes blood, sweat and tears? that it takes hours of procrastination, surfing facebook and the internet, finding every excuse to eat, to go to the bathroom, to take a nap, watch some youtube, play some games, while still being chained to your laptop? that it takes hours of rooting around in the back of your brain, taking up room just festering and marinating, until suddenly a few words or phrases come sliding out of your fingertips like magic? or that it takes years of disciplined "writing" (what looks like procrastination and laziness to the outside world) to be able to assemble notes, outline a story, write up a treatment and then expand it all into a tightly-edited presentable draft within three months? at the end of which, no, there is no guarantee that it will get sold, or even more difficult, actually get made?

how do you explain to someone that an artist is not made overnight, nor produced on a linear path like so many other things in life? in any other profession, you put in a certain number of hours and years and slowly progress up the ladder, in seniority, pay scale and skill. but as an artist, every start is as daunting as the first, and past history of success is no determinant of the future. even the best are equally capable of stinking, failing, falling, bombing, time and time again.

and how do you explain that the drudge work is utterly devoid of glamour, unrecognized, looked down upon, and will only ever merit value if you become a commercial success, yet you still feel fiercely compelled to keep doubling down? how do you explain that though they doubt you, you doubt yourself even more?

there is an unspoken code, a mutual recognition when i meet other artists. the understanding of the frailty, the vulnerability, the darknesses, the scars, the faith required, the anxiety, the highs, the love, the resilience, the aching, the terror, the joy. but this very thing, is what makes us, us. that innate response where we rise up again and again, despite all logic, despite the abyss, to paint our selves across a night sky.

it is the very best in me that i have to give. it cannot be measured by my bank account, the house i live in nor the number of seats i sell. it is solitary. my work is created for an audience of one, myself. but that feeling you get when your heart stirs or you're moved to tears or laughter? when two solitudes overlap for a fleeting moment and the recognition occurs? that, my friends, is the rainbow we're chasing.

by the way, my friend has suddenly become hollywood's it darling with his latest script, so i'm incredibly happy for him. from one artist to another... i just get it, what it all means. and to be able to witness someone finally marinate long enough to have things start happening... lights, baby, lights.

(nyc)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

day 113

today is a tingly kind of a day...

(nakameguro, tokyo)

day 112

God will always meet you where you are at.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

curvature

i love the way the human body curves... the silhouette, the strength, the flow...

(nyc)

faith...

professor: you are a christian, aren't you son.

student: yes sir.
professor: so you believe in God?
student: absolutely sir.
professor: is God good?
student: sure.
professor: is God all powerful?
student: yes.
professor: well, my brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. but God didn't. so how is this God good then? hmm?
(student sits in silence)
professor: you can't answer, can you? let's start again young fella. is God good?
student: yes.
professor: is satan good?
student: no.
professor: where does satan come from?
student: ... from... God...
professor: that's right son. tell me son, is there evil in this world?
student: yes.
professor: evil is everywhere, isn't it? and God did make everything, correct?
student: yes.
professor: so who created evil?
(student does not answer)
professor: is there sickness? immorality? hatred? ugliness? all these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
student: yes sir.
professor: so who created them?
(student has no answer)
professor: science says that you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. tell me son, have you ever seen God?
student: no sir.
professor: tell us, have you ever heard your God?
student: no sir.
professor: have you ever felt your God, smelled your God, tasted your God? have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
student: no sir, i'm afraid i haven't.
professor: yet you still believe in Him?
student: yes.
professor: according to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. what do you say to that, son?
student: nothing. i have only my faith.
professor: yes, faith. and that is the problem science has.

student: professor, is there such a thing as heat?
professor: yes.
student: and is there such a thing as cold?
professor: yes, of course.
student: no sir, there isn't.
(the lecture theater becomes very quiet with this turn of events)
student: sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. but we don't have anything called cold. we can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. there is no such thing as cold. cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. we cannot measure cold. heat is energy. cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(there is a pin-drop silence in the lecture hall)
student: what about darkness, professor? is there such a thing as darkness?
professor: yes. what is night if there isn't darkness?
student: you're wrong again, sir. darkness is the absence of something. you can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. but if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it is called darkness, isn't it? in reality, darkness is not. if it is, well, you would be able to make the darkness darker, wouldn't you?
professor: so what is the point you are making, young man?
student: sir, my point is that your philosophical premise is flawed.
professor: flawed? can you explain how?
student: sir, you are working on the premise of duality. you argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. you are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. sir, science can't even explain a simple thought. it uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. to view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of how we understand it. now tell me professor, do you teach your students that they are evolved from a monkey?
professor: if you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course i do.
student: have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(the professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going)
student: since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion sir? are you not a scientist, but a preacher?
(the class is now in an uproar)
student: is there anyone in this class who has ever seen the professor's brain?
(the class now breaks out in laughter)
student: is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt it, touched it or smelled it? no one appears to have done so. so, according the established rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain sir. with all due respect sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(the room is silent. the professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable)
professor: i guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
student: that is it sir... exactly! the link between man and God is faith. that is all that keeps things alive and moving.