the designer lifestyle

as i grow older, i realize how the simplest things in life are actually the most luxurious... time, health, smiling... it sounds cheesy, doesn't it? but the realizations resonate with me so strongly these days.

tonight, i get to sit on my couch and actually have a chunk of time - alone - to write. i don't have to be anywhere, i didn't make any promises or plans with anyone else, and i feel calm and centered in the silence. every day, every morning i wake up, already feeling behind. i can't even imagine what happens when you add children into the mix. i look at parents sometimes and wonder how they function. how does one find balance and time to just simply breathe? it really is a luxury! and it shouldn't be that way. why is it so hard to live in the moment? maybe because it requires such stillness, and in today's society, that's become increasingly harder with all the tasks and distractions.

lately i've been cutting through central park to get to work. in a city like manhattan, made up of high-rises, incessant pedestrians and honking yellow-taxicab traffic, central park is truly an oasis. for the ten minutes it takes me to get from one side to the other, i feel my heartbeat slow down, and the trees and grass lull me into peaceful gratitude. to be truthful, the walk makes me late to work, but i do it anyway. it truly makes me feel rich.

more and more, i am valuing health. when your body doesn't function, the rest of your life doesn't function. i have no problems with eating right, but exercising is very hard for me. my schedule is so irregular and erratic that i never know when i'll get a chance to go. when i do, i'm often too tired and i'd rather use the extra time to sleep. how do you make time for it in your life? i'd love your thoughts and suggestions. for me, exercise is still a luxury i'm learning how to afford.

on the flip side, i feel like i make up for it in smiling. my sister tells me that i smile like the donkey from shrek:

while other people tend to freak out/get mad/get annoyed, i sometimes feel almost disrespectful because i have a tendency to smile like a goofball. it's not a coping mechanism, and it's not to say that i don't have my bad days either. but overall, i think i'm pretty good about seeing the brighter side of things and finding myself thankful for even the smallest of victories. but i just genuinely feel happy many times in my life, even when it seems like the world around me is falling to crap. and lately, it's the tiny, simple things that make me smile. like today, my mom commented on how the rain was falling so prettily. it gently drizzled sideways, she was right. and we had a delicious thai lunch together at this cute little restaurant on 3rd avenue and i felt so happy that we could have lunch together on a wednesday afternoon. nothing earth-shattering, but simply luxurious.

all things in life require muscles. the more you work them out, the stronger they become. and these include muscles like positivity, gratitude and searching for beauty.

i wanna be wonder woman, superhero of luxury.

(nyc)

newton's 3rd, part ii

newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. in my interpretation, i understood this to mean that all things are one, and that one force cannot exist without its counterbalance, i.e. light cannot exist without dark. the yin and yang of life.

the more i thought of it though, i realized that there can be further extrapolations from newton's law. remember the children's playground taunt, "i'm rubber, you're glue, whatever i say bounces off me and sticks to you"? it's what you would use when someone called you stupid or something mean. it's not quite the same, but the general idea of this rhyme holds a lot of truth.

whatever you give is what you receive.

the interesting thing about newton's law is that it happens in the same moment. as i push down on the keys of this keyboard, they are equally pushing back at me. as i give love in this moment to x/y/z, i am also receiving love unto myself. this is the key - all too often, we look for answers outside ourselves, rather than realizing our own power. we are already complete and whole, we don't need someone or something else on the outside to confirm or affirm our beauty. our souls did not come with parts missing or broken bits. what comes from the outside can help our wholenesses to grow and to expand our comprehensions, but we are, and always have been, fully capable of giving and receiving love in equal capacity of our own volition. in that same way, we must also be careful of own power to hate or hurt others. in effect, we are hating or hurting our own selves because the source is one and the same.

another thought i was pondering last night was this: according to the physics of this law, as i am asking for something, the answer is already existing. by my mere bringing forth of the request, i am also giving birth to its counterbalance. so that means i never have to worry, because everything that i want is always created in fullness. so why aren't the answers always instant or why do the answers sometimes stink?

i think that's why we need to not lose faith, be careful and be specific in our requests, and to not pollute our vibrations with negative thoughts. it slows things down and mutates the answer. we cannot expect a good positive outcome when we spew out negativity and darkness to begin with, or mix that in somewhere in the process. and we must recognize that we are constantly asking for things, even if we don't realize it. many times they are not even conscious thoughts, but in our conditioned emotional responses, which is why it is so important to be positive. it is a muscle to be trained like any other. we must make our requests in good faith and hold steady for the good outcome.

because this is not just gibberish, but an actual proven physical law of the universe, as put forth by isaac newton, one of the most revered scientists of all time.

(nyc)

econ 101

when there is less of something, its value increases. even when something that already exists becomes smaller and miniaturized, it somehow becomes cuter and thus more valuable.

examples:

a holy cow ferrari

or mini-hamburgers

in theory and in practice, it makes sense. when demand is constant, it increases when there is less supply of a certain something. and when there is plenty of supply or overcapacity, the demand slacks off.

and how about with relationships? 

guys/girls always like the girls/guys who won't give them the time of day, yet never notice the one who's standing right beside them, ready, giving and willing. 

unfortunately, affection too works like economics and i don't know why we're wired this way. 

wouldn't life be fuller, more beautiful and more peaceful, if none of us craved love, gave freely of it and from it without condition and didn't think that this was such an odd thing? i've met so few people who are capable of living and loving this way, and of the ones that i have, they truly shine and stand out for me. it's amazing to see a human being in his or her full glory, doing what we are all essentially designed for at our core, which is to love freely, deeply and genuinely.

to the bigger hearts out there in the world, cheers to you.

(west hollywood)

two wolves

one evening an old cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

"my son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. one is evil. it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

the other is good. it is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

the grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "which wolf wins?"

the old cherokee simply replied, "the one you feed."

(nyc)

new.

past choices
past mistakes
벗어나
일어나

또다시
한번더
두번더
go.

..........

past choices
past mistakes
(shed it)
(get up)

(again again)
(one more time)
(two more times)
go.

(nyc)

create it. raw.

conceive it, think it, pray it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it, try it, fry it, write it, act it, dream it, cook it, draw it, load it, speak it, sing it, play it, be it, fuck it, make it, live it.

i create, therefore i am.

-youri

(nyc)