suspended.

it's a funny thing to me, whenever i'm on a plane. i feel like i'm in a moment of suspended animation, neither here nor there, literally hovering in the air between a past and future. airplane rides always make me feel vulnerable for some reason. i'm in this place of transition, in territory that is simultaneously familiar yet unfamiliar. i know airports, i even know specific airports very well. i know the intimate cocoon of my seat, the same way that i always curl up, and my routine of swaddling up with my scarf, socks and hot tea. yet every time, it's a new adventure. who will i meet? who will sit next to me? what new things will i see and learn? travel has a way of knocking you off your feet. nothing is home, so you become extra aware, your sensitivity becomes heightened, and in that temporary space of hours and time zones, i find out new things about myself, about others, about the world. i love it. it's why i like traveling so much, why i love airports. all these people are rushing to and from one place to another, but for a moment, we are all intersecting and crossing paths and in transition. it's quite a remarkable thing.
sometimes it feels good to just come home. but what is home? where is it? i've been traveling for so long now, that i don't even know. even when i come home to manhattan, and it is home, it always takes me a few days to adjust back to the energy flow here. i always feel displaced both going and coming.
i've learned to become comfortable with that place of in-between. i treasure it actually. it's all life really is, ultimately. we never are truly in that one place that we think that we are. we are not our pasts, nor are we quite yet our futures.
that only leaves the now. eternally in that place of neither here nor there, but exactly right at home, in this very moment.
it's all i have.
just breathe.