Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
the true story, part ii
the continuation of part i of the true story of jack and the beanstalk...
jack dreaded going home. how was he ever going to explain this to his mother? he had foolishly risked practical realities for the intangible follies of a young man. jack wanted to be somebody, to go places, to have some magic in his life! and he had foolishly believed that it was so easily possible. dejected, he walked home, broken inside.
when he got home, his mother didn't yell at him like he expected. jack's mother understood that he had dreams, for she had dreams too. she dreamed, like every other mother, that her child would grow up to be healthy and happy and successful, cared for with a steady income, a steady partner, and knowing the joy of seeing one's child smile. her heart broke for him though, for she also knew that the kind of dreams he had were only available to the rich.
"i'm not saying that you can't dream jack, or that you shouldn't. a man without dreams is like a fish without water. but there are many paths to happiness and you must learn how to live your dreams out through life's little moments. now, why don't you at least plant the beans? let's see if we can't coax a few seedlings out of them?"
every morning as jack watered the beans in the chilly morning darkness, he tried not to be angry. he tried not to be angry at himself for making such a childish mistake, he tried not to be angry at his mother who was always so kind and gentle and accepting of life's fates, and he tried not to be angry that the other boys in his class got to take the girls to the market where they would buy taffy and flowers together. jack's heart grew bitter at the thought that lia would one day marry someone like tom, who could buy her jewels and pretty dresses and all the pastries she could want.
when fall time came around, everyone prepared for the annual kingdom's fair. every year, the king would open his castle grounds for a three-day extravaganza. villagers would come from near and far, to see the best of the kingdom's goods, be entertained by the best troubadours, and spend time with family and friends. the long weekend's festivities would culminate in a gala on the third evening, which was the main attraction of the annual fair. jack had never been.
traveling to the fair cost extra money, which jack and his mother did not have. it also meant that no one would care for the garden while they were gone. usually, jack and his mother would rest while almost everyone else from the village would leave. the only villagers left would be the other very poor ones, who would also use the fair as a chance to finally take a break.
jack's classmates gossiped excitedly about the fair in the weeks leading up to it. jack tried to ignore the chatter and concentrate on his studies, but it was no good. his heart burned inside to see the kingdom's knights in shining armor, to taste the candied apples that everyone loved, and to smell the air of a market different than his own.
the night before the start of the fair, jack got ready for bed earlier than usual. for the next three days, he would have no place to be, and rather than feeling relief, jack felt even more depressed. suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "who could that be? are you expecting someone jack?" jack shook his head no, he never expected anyone.
it was the baker. "sorry to bother you so late marion, but i was wondering if i could borrow jack for a few days? i have a stall at the annual fair, but my sons are both sick with the flu. my wife will have to stay home to take care of them, and now i've got no one to help me." jack's heart started thundering in his chest.
"i'm sorry to hear that simon. i'm sure jack would be of a great help, but i've got no money to spare for food or lodging." jack's heart instantly grew black. here was his chance to finally attend the fair he had heard so much about, but his dreams were killed before they even had a chance to breathe!
"ay, i realize that. but if he doesn't mind, he can sleep in the back of the bread cart, and while i can't feed him anything else, i can certainly give him enough bread for the next few days. what do you think, son?"
"i don't mind! i don't mind at all!!" jack was so excited, even the baker and his mother couldn't help but to smile. "well jack, why don't you get dressed and get your blanket then?"
as the horses trotted out of the village with the bread cart hitched to the back, simon turned to jack and said, "you'll be working all day selling the bread with me, and at night, you'll have to stay up to help me bake and prepare for the next day. no one ever realizes how hard a simple baker works to make money, and now you will find out. but you will have the third evening free. that's when the gala is, and even us workers will have a chance to finally enjoy ourselves. all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, right?"
jack felt his heart bursting at the seams at the thought of attending the gala. who needed those stupid magic beans? all one needed in life was a chance, and jack certainly wasn't going to make any more stupid mistakes like he had before. this time, jack was going to take the sure route to any newfound adventures. his mother had been right - there was a way to live one's dreams through life's little moments. had it not been for one simple stomach flu, jack would have missed this chance at a lifelong dream, but now that he had it, he wasn't giving it up for anything.
to be continued...
(nyc)
jack dreaded going home. how was he ever going to explain this to his mother? he had foolishly risked practical realities for the intangible follies of a young man. jack wanted to be somebody, to go places, to have some magic in his life! and he had foolishly believed that it was so easily possible. dejected, he walked home, broken inside.
when he got home, his mother didn't yell at him like he expected. jack's mother understood that he had dreams, for she had dreams too. she dreamed, like every other mother, that her child would grow up to be healthy and happy and successful, cared for with a steady income, a steady partner, and knowing the joy of seeing one's child smile. her heart broke for him though, for she also knew that the kind of dreams he had were only available to the rich.
"i'm not saying that you can't dream jack, or that you shouldn't. a man without dreams is like a fish without water. but there are many paths to happiness and you must learn how to live your dreams out through life's little moments. now, why don't you at least plant the beans? let's see if we can't coax a few seedlings out of them?"
every morning as jack watered the beans in the chilly morning darkness, he tried not to be angry. he tried not to be angry at himself for making such a childish mistake, he tried not to be angry at his mother who was always so kind and gentle and accepting of life's fates, and he tried not to be angry that the other boys in his class got to take the girls to the market where they would buy taffy and flowers together. jack's heart grew bitter at the thought that lia would one day marry someone like tom, who could buy her jewels and pretty dresses and all the pastries she could want.
when fall time came around, everyone prepared for the annual kingdom's fair. every year, the king would open his castle grounds for a three-day extravaganza. villagers would come from near and far, to see the best of the kingdom's goods, be entertained by the best troubadours, and spend time with family and friends. the long weekend's festivities would culminate in a gala on the third evening, which was the main attraction of the annual fair. jack had never been.
traveling to the fair cost extra money, which jack and his mother did not have. it also meant that no one would care for the garden while they were gone. usually, jack and his mother would rest while almost everyone else from the village would leave. the only villagers left would be the other very poor ones, who would also use the fair as a chance to finally take a break.
jack's classmates gossiped excitedly about the fair in the weeks leading up to it. jack tried to ignore the chatter and concentrate on his studies, but it was no good. his heart burned inside to see the kingdom's knights in shining armor, to taste the candied apples that everyone loved, and to smell the air of a market different than his own.
the night before the start of the fair, jack got ready for bed earlier than usual. for the next three days, he would have no place to be, and rather than feeling relief, jack felt even more depressed. suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "who could that be? are you expecting someone jack?" jack shook his head no, he never expected anyone.
it was the baker. "sorry to bother you so late marion, but i was wondering if i could borrow jack for a few days? i have a stall at the annual fair, but my sons are both sick with the flu. my wife will have to stay home to take care of them, and now i've got no one to help me." jack's heart started thundering in his chest.
"i'm sorry to hear that simon. i'm sure jack would be of a great help, but i've got no money to spare for food or lodging." jack's heart instantly grew black. here was his chance to finally attend the fair he had heard so much about, but his dreams were killed before they even had a chance to breathe!
"ay, i realize that. but if he doesn't mind, he can sleep in the back of the bread cart, and while i can't feed him anything else, i can certainly give him enough bread for the next few days. what do you think, son?"
"i don't mind! i don't mind at all!!" jack was so excited, even the baker and his mother couldn't help but to smile. "well jack, why don't you get dressed and get your blanket then?"
as the horses trotted out of the village with the bread cart hitched to the back, simon turned to jack and said, "you'll be working all day selling the bread with me, and at night, you'll have to stay up to help me bake and prepare for the next day. no one ever realizes how hard a simple baker works to make money, and now you will find out. but you will have the third evening free. that's when the gala is, and even us workers will have a chance to finally enjoy ourselves. all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, right?"
jack felt his heart bursting at the seams at the thought of attending the gala. who needed those stupid magic beans? all one needed in life was a chance, and jack certainly wasn't going to make any more stupid mistakes like he had before. this time, jack was going to take the sure route to any newfound adventures. his mother had been right - there was a way to live one's dreams through life's little moments. had it not been for one simple stomach flu, jack would have missed this chance at a lifelong dream, but now that he had it, he wasn't giving it up for anything.
to be continued...
(nyc)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
the true story, part i
remember jack and the beanstalk? jack acquires some magic beans, plants them in the ground, climbs up the sky-high stalk that grows, and discovers a very rich, very mean giant. jack subsequently kills the giant, ends up with the treasures, and lives happily ever after. the end.
that's the short version of the story. here's the version that no one tells you:
jack grew up extremely poor in a teeny, tiny cottage at the very far end of the village. all the kids at school made fun of him because he wore the same ratty clothes every day, because he could never play after school (he had to work), because he couldn't spell very well, because he didn't have a father. the last one stung in particular. jack's father had died when jack was very young, leaving behind a single mother with a newborn baby and no means of support.
over the years, every day before school, jack would have to wake up extra early while it was still dark outside. he would want to stay in bed and keep dreaming underneath the warm covers, but alas, he couldn't. he would quickly and quietly get dressed in the dark cold, grab a piece of stale bread, then run outside to the garden. he would run up and down the rows, watering each and every plant, while his mother would continually draw water from the well. once the sun would start to peek over the horizon, jack would then start his hour-long morning walk to school.
during school, jack would find it hard to concentrate because he would always be daydreaming. about a life far away from all this drudgery, about a life filled with endless parties and food, about traveling the world, about winning the love of a beautiful girl. he very much liked lia with her silky blonde hair, but she only paid attention to the popular rich boys in school like tom and harry. he would think to himself, "just wait... one day, i will show you all. i will be somebody."
after school, jack would run to the village market to help his mother sell their garden's vegetables. the work wasn't rocket science, but it was hard nonetheless. having to stand on his feet for hours, the haggling, the hustling, the sameness. day in, day out, nothing changed. it was all routine, just to be able to eat, just to maintain a place to sleep. where was there room for dreams?
one day, jack's mother was sick and unable to go to the market. so jack skipped school and headed to the market himself. he worked all day in the hot sun and well into the evening, but even then, only made enough to buy one loaf of bread. he felt ashamed that all his hard work could only amount to such a small pittance.
on his way home, jack decided to sit down on the side of the road to take a break. he took off his shoes and laid on the cool grass, looking up at the night sky. "will i ever have more than this? will i ever amount to more?" jack felt sad, because he thought the answer would clearly be no. how could he ever become more, have more, if he never even got a chance to go anywhere? he had never even been to the annual kingdom's fair like all the other kids!
suddenly, an old man appeared out of nowhere and called out "good evening!" startled, jack wondered where he had come from. "i'm just on my way to the next village, thought i would take a break myself. may i sit down?" jack was suspicious, but he nodded.
"i'm actually on my way home to my mother, she's waiting for me. have a good evening." as jack stood up, the old man said, "that bread there smells delicious, just like the bread they sell at the annual kingdom's fair. i haven't smelled bread like that in years! would you consider giving it to me?" as jack hesitated for an excuse, the old man chuckled and said, "i don't mean for free, of course. i'd trade you something for it."
jack wondered what the man could have, that would be worth a loaf of fresh bread. it wasn't much, but the old man was right - it did smell delicious, and jack had worked all day for that loaf. plus, his mother would be home waiting for it.
"i've got two things here we can trade that loaf for, your choice. i've got this old wheelbarrow. it's not very pretty, but it's in good condition and it's great for carrying heavy loads. i started my journey with a lot of things, but i've slowly traded everything away and now i've got no use for it. what do you think?"
jack's heart jumped at the thought of the wheelbarrow. it would make going to the market so much easier for him and his mother. they hadn't been able to afford one, and now this old man was willing to trade a whole wheelbarrow for a single loaf of bread!
"well, what's the other choice?"
"smart boy, aren't you. here, this would be the other choice." the old man held out a small handkerchief and opened it up in the palm of his hand. in it lay three plain old beans.
jack guffawed, then started laughing at the crazy old man. first of all, this old man was willing to trade an entirely good wheelbarrow for just a loaf of bread! secondly, the old man thought that a handful of beans was worth the same as a perfectly good wheelbarrow! "what a silly man!" jack thought.
"wait a second, son. these beans are not just any beans, but they're magic beans." jack stopped laughing and stared at the man, who now looked quite serious. "they don't look like much, but they are, in fact, worth much more than the wheelbarrow."
"then why would you trade either of these for a simple loaf of bread, sir? that seems quite, well, stupid."
"a man must always know what he wants. and when he sees it, he must be willing to pay the price for it. to you, it is just a loaf of bread. to me, it is the gratitude of a thousand memories and the pleasure of a present moment. so, what do you think?"
jack didn't quite understand what the old man was saying, but he understood that he could walk away with a wheelbarrow. but what if, just what if, this old man wasn't lying and those beans really were magic? what kind of magic could they be?
"what kind of magic beans are they?"
"that, my son, is up for you to discover. i can't tell you their secrets, only they can. all i can promise you is that they are indeed magic."
jack looked at the beans again. they looked like any other regular old beans, green and flat with a slight dimple in the middle. the old man didn't seem to be completely crazy; in fact, he seemed to be quite truthful about the worth of the beans. jack didn't know what to do.
on one hand, he could go home with the wheelbarrow. he knew it would make his mother immensely happy and that it could make their lives much easier. it would all be so quick and simple. jack knew that he was getting the better end of the bargain for sure with the wheelbarrow. on the other...
jack felt a tingling in his gut, and felt his insides were slowly spreading with fire. before he could think anymore, he quickly thrust the bread into the old man's arms and snatched the beans up.
"just a warning, son. the magic of the beans only works when you know what you want and are willing to pay for the price for it!"
what? the old man hadn't mentioned the conditions when he first showed jack the beans! what did he even mean with that statement? jack felt angry and duped, as he looked down at the tiny little beans. as he looked up to yell at the old man, jack realized the man was already gone. stupid stupid stupid stupid!! now what was he going to do? how was he going to go home and explain that he had traded away a week's worth of bread for some stupid "magic" beans? jack felt incredibly panicked, then furious, then hollow. jack had thought he was being courageous and noble in taking a risk, in following his heart, but the only thing he had to show for it now was three pitiful green beans.
to be continued...
(nyc)
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
you find this amusing?
when i was little, my older cousin used to take me and my sister to six flags because we were just c.r.a.z.y about it. we loved the whole experience of it all, from the hot summer weather to the water rides to the big ass turkey legs to the stuffed animal prizes. my dear, sweet, angel-of-a-cousin not only took us, she indulged our every whim, buying us souvenir photos and willingly staying as long as we wanted. did i mention that she was an angel?
we would wait in huge, long lines for all these crazy rides, but my favorite was always the wickedest roller coaster at the amusement park. first it would tick all the way up this 90 degree angle track into the blue, blue sky, then hold you there while you sweated in nervous anticipation. then the latch would finally let go and you would barrel backwards through the sheer drop and ride the entire sequence of loops and twists without knowing what was coming when. and the whole time, your stomach would be in your throat while you screamed your lungs hoarse.
and i loved it.
i would want to ride that particular one again and again. i didn't like the normal up-and-down roller coaster because it wasn't nearly as exciting or sexy or risky. i craved the thrill and danger of the crazy coaster, as did the rest of the crowd at the park.
why is the opposite so true in life? no one wants to barrel through life with one unexpected twist and turn after another, feeling sick to your stomach. you'd be insane to want that. but at the same time, life would be boring if it were a merry-go-round, right? if we just went in circles and circles to the same soundtrack? where is the happy medium?
i guess the trick lies in finding your balance and center, no matter what the ride. create your own force of gravity to keep yourself anchored when things are out of control, and learn to appreciate the serenity when things are calmer.
funny though. we humans are such dichotomous creatures.
(nyc)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
surf this
have you ever been destroyed by a monster wave while surfing or swimming?
sometimes life feels like that, doesn't it? like you're being pummeled into every which direction, and just when you break for air, you get sucked back under and you lose your swimsuit and you curse yourself for wearing a bikini. not that i'm speaking from experience or anything like that.
but we've all been there, right? the waves just keep rolling in and you feel kind of helpless. like a toy ship being smashed to bits by the force of the water.
but then - oh then - there's this:
the cool ass surfer dudes. focused. calm. collected. confident and fearless in the face of the mightiest of forces. and even off the job, these guys and girls are so laid back, so chill. i love this attitude.
because it's never about mastering the environment and the situation perfectly, but simply about learning how to ride the waves. finding the funnel of opportunity before it all comes crashing down and just l~i~v~i~n~g in the moment. there's such a rush, with the adrenaline pumping through your body and you get addicted to actually chasing the waves, instead of working to avoid them.
learning to ride is incredibly hard. it requires the best of you - grace, agility, pure focus, discipline, intuition. i have such respect for life's masters. some people really know how to move with style and they just make you wanna surf in your own right.
sometimes i feel like such a baby surfer and other times i feel like i'm just getting the shit kicked out of me. but every so often, i get these magic moments where the tide is just right and my body aligns into focus with my mind and soul and it all gels together. like butter.
hang 10 dudes.
(nyc)
sometimes life feels like that, doesn't it? like you're being pummeled into every which direction, and just when you break for air, you get sucked back under and you lose your swimsuit and you curse yourself for wearing a bikini. not that i'm speaking from experience or anything like that.
but we've all been there, right? the waves just keep rolling in and you feel kind of helpless. like a toy ship being smashed to bits by the force of the water.
but then - oh then - there's this:
the cool ass surfer dudes. focused. calm. collected. confident and fearless in the face of the mightiest of forces. and even off the job, these guys and girls are so laid back, so chill. i love this attitude.
because it's never about mastering the environment and the situation perfectly, but simply about learning how to ride the waves. finding the funnel of opportunity before it all comes crashing down and just l~i~v~i~n~g in the moment. there's such a rush, with the adrenaline pumping through your body and you get addicted to actually chasing the waves, instead of working to avoid them.
learning to ride is incredibly hard. it requires the best of you - grace, agility, pure focus, discipline, intuition. i have such respect for life's masters. some people really know how to move with style and they just make you wanna surf in your own right.
sometimes i feel like such a baby surfer and other times i feel like i'm just getting the shit kicked out of me. but every so often, i get these magic moments where the tide is just right and my body aligns into focus with my mind and soul and it all gels together. like butter.
hang 10 dudes.
(nyc)
day 125 to 136
my goal at the beginning of this year was to write a post-it note every day, so that i would post at least one little blurb a day, if nothing else at all. i just went almost two weeks without, and i realized that i sometimes just need to take a break from it all and it's totally ok. i always thought discipline would be and should be a vital aspect of fulfillment. while it's a critical component, something else holds the trump card - which is alignment. alignment with your self, your Source, your center. and sometimes that means doing nothing at all, but just being quiet and still.
(nyc)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
the designer lifestyle
as i grow older, i realize how the simplest things in life are actually the most luxurious... time, health, smiling... it sounds cheesy, doesn't it? but the realizations resonate with me so strongly these days.
tonight, i get to sit on my couch and actually have a chunk of time - alone - to write. i don't have to be anywhere, i didn't make any promises or plans with anyone else, and i feel calm and centered in the silence. every day, every morning i wake up, already feeling behind. i can't even imagine what happens when you add children into the mix. i look at parents sometimes and wonder how they function. how does one find balance and time to just simply breathe? it really is a luxury! and it shouldn't be that way. why is it so hard to live in the moment? maybe because it requires such stillness, and in today's society, that's become increasingly harder with all the tasks and distractions.
lately i've been cutting through central park to get to work. in a city like manhattan, made up of high-rises, incessant pedestrians and honking yellow-taxicab traffic, central park is truly an oasis. for the ten minutes it takes me to get from one side to the other, i feel my heartbeat slow down, and the trees and grass lull me into peaceful gratitude. to be truthful, the walk makes me late to work, but i do it anyway. it truly makes me feel rich.
more and more, i am valuing health. when your body doesn't function, the rest of your life doesn't function. i have no problems with eating right, but exercising is very hard for me. my schedule is so irregular and erratic that i never know when i'll get a chance to go. when i do, i'm often too tired and i'd rather use the extra time to sleep. how do you make time for it in your life? i'd love your thoughts and suggestions. for me, exercise is still a luxury i'm learning how to afford.
on the flip side, i feel like i make up for it in smiling. my sister tells me that i smile like the donkey from shrek:
while other people tend to freak out/get mad/get annoyed, i sometimes feel almost disrespectful because i have a tendency to smile like a goofball. it's not a coping mechanism, and it's not to say that i don't have my bad days either. but overall, i think i'm pretty good about seeing the brighter side of things and finding myself thankful for even the smallest of victories. but i just genuinely feel happy many times in my life, even when it seems like the world around me is falling to crap. and lately, it's the tiny, simple things that make me smile. like today, my mom commented on how the rain was falling so prettily. it gently drizzled sideways, she was right. and we had a delicious thai lunch together at this cute little restaurant on 3rd avenue and i felt so happy that we could have lunch together on a wednesday afternoon. nothing earth-shattering, but simply luxurious.
all things in life require muscles. the more you work them out, the stronger they become. and these include muscles like positivity, gratitude and searching for beauty.
i wanna be wonder woman, superhero of luxury.
(nyc)
tonight, i get to sit on my couch and actually have a chunk of time - alone - to write. i don't have to be anywhere, i didn't make any promises or plans with anyone else, and i feel calm and centered in the silence. every day, every morning i wake up, already feeling behind. i can't even imagine what happens when you add children into the mix. i look at parents sometimes and wonder how they function. how does one find balance and time to just simply breathe? it really is a luxury! and it shouldn't be that way. why is it so hard to live in the moment? maybe because it requires such stillness, and in today's society, that's become increasingly harder with all the tasks and distractions.
lately i've been cutting through central park to get to work. in a city like manhattan, made up of high-rises, incessant pedestrians and honking yellow-taxicab traffic, central park is truly an oasis. for the ten minutes it takes me to get from one side to the other, i feel my heartbeat slow down, and the trees and grass lull me into peaceful gratitude. to be truthful, the walk makes me late to work, but i do it anyway. it truly makes me feel rich.
more and more, i am valuing health. when your body doesn't function, the rest of your life doesn't function. i have no problems with eating right, but exercising is very hard for me. my schedule is so irregular and erratic that i never know when i'll get a chance to go. when i do, i'm often too tired and i'd rather use the extra time to sleep. how do you make time for it in your life? i'd love your thoughts and suggestions. for me, exercise is still a luxury i'm learning how to afford.
on the flip side, i feel like i make up for it in smiling. my sister tells me that i smile like the donkey from shrek:
while other people tend to freak out/get mad/get annoyed, i sometimes feel almost disrespectful because i have a tendency to smile like a goofball. it's not a coping mechanism, and it's not to say that i don't have my bad days either. but overall, i think i'm pretty good about seeing the brighter side of things and finding myself thankful for even the smallest of victories. but i just genuinely feel happy many times in my life, even when it seems like the world around me is falling to crap. and lately, it's the tiny, simple things that make me smile. like today, my mom commented on how the rain was falling so prettily. it gently drizzled sideways, she was right. and we had a delicious thai lunch together at this cute little restaurant on 3rd avenue and i felt so happy that we could have lunch together on a wednesday afternoon. nothing earth-shattering, but simply luxurious.
all things in life require muscles. the more you work them out, the stronger they become. and these include muscles like positivity, gratitude and searching for beauty.
i wanna be wonder woman, superhero of luxury.
(nyc)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
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