smartypants

some people are seriously smart. i am in awe of the processing power of their brains, the depth and breadth of their knowledge and the myriad of their accomplishments.

but the thing is...

sometimes these same people are just a little too smart. because most really intensely intellectually smart people have a problem letting go. they feel the need to control everything, everyone and all situations, b/c in reality, they are almost always right! especially when it comes to work situations and business decisions.

but being in control and being right are the direct antitheses to letting things happen in your life... the unpredictable messy ones i mean. like falling in love or taking emotional risks in general. opening yourself up to hurt, to chance. letting your heart and guts make the decisions instead of the brains. nurturing that little voice inside your head that is your soul. the problem with being so smart is that you can extrapolate every possible scenario out into the future, ten, fifteen, fifty chess moves ahead of everybody else. and when you do, reasons can always be found to justify a no.

how is that, in the grand scheme of things, considered smart?

i have one life to live, no dress rehearsals. i will never get this second back, this minute, the one i just spent writing these sentences. you, who are taking the time to read this, will never get this time back either.

so what if i get burned? so what if my heart shatters into a million pieces? so what if i fall? isn't that what all of this is for? this thing called life? isn't that why i have a heart, a body, a soul, a brain? to use it all to shreds before all my seconds are gone and the lights go dark?

maybe i'm one of the dumb ones. but for every yes i said yes to, and for every no you said no to, my life has been that much fuller, deeper, darker and brighter. my scars are beautiful. my compassion has been stretched to encompass more than you have yet to know.

take a chance. just jump.

(nyc)