no fear

i want to know the one who is not afraid to

be love

to give it, breathe it, receive it, return it, become it

to be so full within
that it spills out and splashes onto
me, you, others, the sidewalk

that this one is so secure in
beingness
oneness
that there is no room for ego
nor games
nor anything less than
perfect
whole

l
o
v
e


(nyc)

more than enough

you know that scene in jerry maguire where tom cruise's character tells renee zellweger's, "you complete me."?

it's the stuff that women swoon about. women think that life and love should be just like they are in the movies. and i'll the first to admit that i totally love romantic comedies, but that particular line drives me nuts! 

as human beings, we are not all puzzles with missing pieces that someone needs to come in and fill up. i believe that we are all more than enough within ourselves. i've always believed that a person should be able to stand on his/her own two feet on all levels, and that the partner you find is about making your life bigger, brighter and better. it's not about completion, b/c you are already whole, but it's about making the colors more vivid and intense and expanding a life that is shared. 

instead of searching for the "missing" parts of your life, start focusing on creating such a life that everyone wants to come join your party. be complete within yourself. fun attracts fun. light attracts light. completeness attracts completeness.

yes, i am talking to you. you know who are you are, my friend. 

and you are definitely, definitely more than enough.

i have always loved you, as is. believe it.

(nyc)

smartypants

some people are seriously smart. i am in awe of the processing power of their brains, the depth and breadth of their knowledge and the myriad of their accomplishments.

but the thing is...

sometimes these same people are just a little too smart. because most really intensely intellectually smart people have a problem letting go. they feel the need to control everything, everyone and all situations, b/c in reality, they are almost always right! especially when it comes to work situations and business decisions.

but being in control and being right are the direct antitheses to letting things happen in your life... the unpredictable messy ones i mean. like falling in love or taking emotional risks in general. opening yourself up to hurt, to chance. letting your heart and guts make the decisions instead of the brains. nurturing that little voice inside your head that is your soul. the problem with being so smart is that you can extrapolate every possible scenario out into the future, ten, fifteen, fifty chess moves ahead of everybody else. and when you do, reasons can always be found to justify a no.

how is that, in the grand scheme of things, considered smart?

i have one life to live, no dress rehearsals. i will never get this second back, this minute, the one i just spent writing these sentences. you, who are taking the time to read this, will never get this time back either.

so what if i get burned? so what if my heart shatters into a million pieces? so what if i fall? isn't that what all of this is for? this thing called life? isn't that why i have a heart, a body, a soul, a brain? to use it all to shreds before all my seconds are gone and the lights go dark?

maybe i'm one of the dumb ones. but for every yes i said yes to, and for every no you said no to, my life has been that much fuller, deeper, darker and brighter. my scars are beautiful. my compassion has been stretched to encompass more than you have yet to know.

take a chance. just jump.

(nyc)

stuff that makes me happy

lately my days are a blur of nonstop to-do lists.

so i'm just going to stop and do nothing for five minutes. in fact, i'm just going to make a list of things that make me happy for no reason at all:

big fat trees

cracking the crunchy top on a creme brulee

tin cans, ribbons and stickers

riding my bike

anything stripes

cherries and avocados and watermelon

cobblestones

reading the classified ads

things with a lot of texture and heft

people who smile for real, from the inside - this is rare

ugly dogs

sunshine and a breeze

pasta pasta pasta

the sound of running water

wrapping presents

giving presents

the smell of hyacinths and gardenias

making grandmas smile when i compliment them

super bright colors

beautiful girls

silk, cashmere and leather

the way my stomach feels empty in the morning

super hot showers

really soft bedsheets

babies

the bookstore

peanut butter cookies

new magazines

you.

(nyc)

people that make you go hmmm

tonight i met someone who struck me b/c he was just so real.

i can't quite put my finger on it, but his energy struck me b/c it seemed so neutral. that's a funny word, but i don't mean it in a negative way. he was just simply present as a human being, wanting nothing and needing nothing, but just being himself. no projections, no perceptions, no agenda, no small talk. just real. just present. i don't know how else to describe it.

it was nice. it had nothing to do with the way we were interacting or anything romantic or even friendly. it didn't even have anything to do with two people just clicking or getting along as people sometimes do. it was just about one human being recognizing another, minus the surface of this world. such a strange way to describe it, but sometimes i meet people, however briefly, that move me for some reason. hmm.

(nyc)

here

i saw your twin in the waiting room at the doctor's office

i couldn't stop staring at him

i had dinner with j and b tonight

we all miss you

think of you

i feel you

i know you're here

but

sometimes i just wish

my heart didn't have to ache exactly this way.

(nyc)

create it. raw.

conceive it, think it, pray it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it, try it, fry it, write it, act it, dream it, cook it, draw it, load it, speak it, sing it, play it, be it, fuck it, make it, live it.

i create, therefore i am.

-youri

(nyc)