je t'aime paris

city of light, of love, of pretty little cakes. mais oui oui!

hercules! hercules!

though all living beings have all different kinds of muscles, mankind has a very special one:

faith.

we forget that it is a muscle. people tend to think of faith as a black-and-white issue, as something you either have or you don't. but that's because people tend to equate faith with religion, when it encompasses soooo much more than that - faith is truly so much more about a man's spirit, about his ability to dream and his will to thrive. it is about learning to take that leap of faith, over and over, most especially when the knees get skinned and they're bleeding profusely.

faith's biggest obstacle? ego. ego loves to swoop in and start distorting the picture, setting up all sorts of smoke and mirrors, and distractions disguised as glamour or pride. faith requires getting to the gym every single day, moment to moment, most especially on the fat tired cranky days - and ego is a big fat chocolate cake washed down with a jumbo bag of cheetos.

don't.

i know it's hard. i know i'm guilty of it too. and that's why i know its damaging effects. and that's also how i found the best way around it - stick low to the ground and just focus on the next goal. let everyone else deal with their demons, and just stick to the grind. it's not glamorous and it's not always fun and it takes a LOT of work. what is the point you ask? so what if my faith becomes as strong as hercules?

ask yourself if it was a waste when you hit the hard bumps and the low moments. what sustains you then?

(nyc)

day 260-267

"grief doesn't change you, it reveals you." - john green

(sketch by egon schiele, an artist i've always been moved by)

butt naked

someone recently asked me when i feel most beautiful.

and i had to think about my answer for awhile. is it a gorgeous dress and killer heels, or a post-glow sweat from yoga? is beautiful the same thing as sexy, confident or powerful? yes, but. while those things encompass beauty, it doesn't quite capture the exact essence for me.

i realized - i feel most beautiful when i am stark naked.

physically naked can be a part of it, but i'm talking about being emotionally, mentally, spiritually, personally vulnerable.

it goes against our natural instinct to protect ourselves, but that is where i find the beauty, in the openness. sometimes i feel like it wasn't my choice. outside circumstances rip me open and tear my defenses down. but even then, in my all-too-human'ness, i find myself rising up and fighting my hardest. it is me at my best, at my worst, at my fullest.

but then there are the times when it's my choice. and i find that i almost always choose the quieter side. true vulnerability is so raw, almost painful, so naked. and therein lies the gorgeousness.

i'll show you mine so show me yours. i want you to see how beautiful i am, how beautiful i can be, but i also want to see you in all your glory and divinity.

open sesame...

(nyc)  

it's ok to be human.

(nyc)

day 217-259

a little bit hard to read because i scribbled this in neon pink marker on my glass desk, but it says:
"those who don't believe in magic will never find it." - roald dahl

believe it.

(nyc)

letting go...

this is briohny smyth, a yoga instructor at equinox in LA, doing acro yoga with her husband, dice iida-klein:

the flow and vulnerability required to do something so graceful, beautiful and perfect as this... this is what she had to say about learning how to let go:

"when i first started learning, my biggest takeaway was that it's really about the base - the person on the bottom - and if you're a strong base, anybody can fly with you. the key is communication with the base - and trust. i could do all of these poses on my own, but i've never been very good at trusting people, which is something that most of us women gain over time - especially when it comes to men. it was a real challenge for both of us to go from singular practices, where we had full control, and release control to one another. it was a really big thing for me because i was a single mom, and i had built my own businesses, so it has always been about having two hands on the wheel. when you're on top in acro yoga, it's all about letting go and trusting one hundred percent, because if you fight back, it's much harder for the base. so, dice and i went through a lot of little tiffs of, "you're doing it wrong - no, you're doing it wrong!" and every single time it always came down to me letting go. and for dice, who has always had a tough time expressing himself, he had to work really hard to master his duty as a base, because he has to be extremely communicative and tell me what he needs, and tell me what he needs from me. so for both of us, it was just the balancing act - balancing not only our bodies, but also our personality issues."

it's inspiring to know that she had to work for it too... so often we see masters do things so fluidly and naturally, and wonder if they ever struggled to achieve such beauty. the answer is yes, and the process... just leap.

(nyc)

loco in the cabeza

this is t.o.p. from the korean kpop group big bang:

i love his hair!! the cut, the color. it looks kind of purplish in this picture, but i liked it when it was super white. i totally want to do this to my hair and have been wanting to do it for awhile now, like a couple years, but my sister thinks i'm crazy. she thinks i should do it... never. i still have big urges though hmm....

although miley cyrus recently chopped off her hair and went platinum and i wouldn't want to look like a copycat. nothing against her though b/c she has a pretty banging body :)

argh... someone distract me before i edward scissorhands the top of my head...

(nyc)

i'm high as a kite and i just might...

these two things make me feel the same way:

riding down park avenue for summer streets, manhattan! everyone else was behind me so it looks empty but it wasn't... leader of the pack, vroom vroom ;) i heart heart heart bike riding...

the open air just makes me feel... giddy. i think that's the exact word. free, open, high, wheeeee!!!!
i am so determined to own a convertible one day :)

i just wanna fly away...

(nyc)

animal style

you know what is so beautiful about animals?

their simplicity.

they live in the now, always, without any awareness of anything but. it's such a pure way of existing. animals don't have fat days or parental issues, they don't worry about finding a girl/boyfriend, and they don't make regular appointments with their therapists nor hair stylists. and they have a lot more hair than us.

when they're hungry, they eat. now.
when they're tired, they sleep. now.
when they feel like having a romp, they have sex. now.

and it works.

animals in the wild don't get sick from stress, have mental issues or question their self-worth. none of that matters, because they just ARE. it has nothing to do with any other animal, and most importantly, they don't get in their own way. each gets enough exercise and food to ensure their own survival, and when the time arrives for them to fold back into the life cycle/food chain/circle of life, it just happens. no tears, no anxiety, just acceptance.

of the now.

so simple, eh?

(nyc)

massive jagged

i love beaches with massive jagged boulders. the more jagged, dark and craggy, the better. there is something so raw about these cracked pieces of stone cold earth, the way time has not eroded their harshness nor softened their edges. no, they stand angry and unmoved by the pleas of the wind and the sea, not giving a shit about anything. they cannot be conquered, they make you feel small, they make you feel mortal. and i love them for it.

(nyc)

grey metal black

f'ing love everything about this picture - the braid, the heavy chain metal jewelry, the colors.. LOVE IT:

grey on grey on grey:

metal studs:

nailed it:

(nyc)

curvature

i find the curves of the human body to be so captivating, something in the hollows that i find totally alluring, sexy and sensual. hipbones, collar bones, cheekbones, shoulders, backs, the way muscles develop and how our bodies are capable of performing so much. i love athlete and dancer bodies in a way that i didn't used to always appreciate before, especially when a person is just lean and strong...

(nyc)

texturized

i love love love texture... it's such a tactile, visual, sensual thing, that speaks to me of the essence of being a living breathing being... we have the ability to be cognizant of such unnoted beauties... so easy to pass by, just a part of the background, but it deeply moves me for some reason, and always has...

love the smell and feel of leather, especially when it gets old and beat up and super soft...

the way cashmere feels against my skin...

the rough and worn hewn of old wood, weathered by time and the outside elements...

the silky softness of oh-so-delicate peonies in full bloom that fall apart with a touch...

the kind of super heavyweight paper that is so thick, you feel bad folding it, or using anything less than a proper ink calligraphy pen on it...

the softness of super bright green moss, the way it absorbs sounds, yet is so vibrant itself...

and old stones that have been stomped on, worn down, rained upon and been exposed... i love the way stones absorb light, heat, cold, history... yet also give off softness and light in its own way, standing the test of time...

these things, these textures, make me immensely happy. they feel substantive to me; massive yet so soft, grounded yet simultaneously ephemeral... that beautiful dynamic of the flow of life...

i want to have a home that i can just texturize the shit out of, and sit there and absorb its light and energy and calm amid my endless stacks of books and tea... :)

(nyc)

remember

do not stand at my grave and weep;
i am not there. i do not sleep.
i am a thousand winds that blow.
i am the diamond glints on snow.
i am the sunlight on ripened grain.
i am the gentle autumn rain.
when you awaken in the morning's hush
i am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
i am the soft stars that shine at night.
do not stand at my grave and cry;
i am not there. i did not die.

(nyc)

sludge

do you ever feel like sludge
where you don't wanna do anything
move
be
and you're so lost that all you can do is sit there
and breathe
and the little voices inside your head
chitter chatter
with the stupidest things
that have nothing to do with
what you should really be thinking about
but it's too hard
so you just
instead
do nothing
surf the net
watch tv
eat too much
go outside
get distracted
and meanwhile
the hole grows bigger.

yeah, me neither.

(nyc)

one for me, one for you

this is an animal highway, so that they can cross safely too. brilliant.

day 210-216

you see in others what you are yourself.

city of angels

i feel so peaceful whenever i'm here, just totally immersed in the flow...

incredibly blessed, yes.

(beverly hills, los angeles)

day 201-209

:D