day 24

day 23

day 22

holy crap i'm late and i almost forgot and i don't even have a post-it note because i'm traveling but i'm here and i showed up. yaaaay!! :) better late than...

day 21

5 happy habits

1) focused breathing: visualize your insides blowing up like a balloon when you inhale, and slowly deflating as you exhale. start at 15 and count down. once at morning, once at night, in bed.

2) dancing: you know the one song that always make you get up and dance? blast it LOUD and just get down. preferably in your underwear while no one else is watching.

3) pen and paper: upset? happy? feeling sexy? no matter what the mood, get a piece of paper. write on it. draw on it. get it out of you and onto the paper. look at it. if you're feeling crappy, you'll feel better. if you're feeling awesome, you'll feel even better.

4) smile at little old ladies and children: they'll always smile back. it feels nice, like rainbows and unicorns and marshmallows.

5) fart: get a whoopee cushion. i guarantee it will make you laugh. every. single. time. none of us truly grows up past the age of 5 when it comes to farting, not even the queen of england. she's secretly laughing inside her head :D

(nyc)

day 20

day 19

day 18

day 17

best friends

EL: i'm soooo incredibly grateful for the length, depth and strength of our friendship over the years, and it's been an honor to have continually participated in the different phases of your life. i'm so blessed to know a person of your character, with your intellectual curiosity, your independence, your ability to be in touch with yourself and the world around you, and that giggle of yours. with you, everything is fun and carefree! what i'm supremely grateful for is that the more i give to you, the more i receive in exponential return. thank you for letting me be a part of this weekend, it was thrilling, fascinating and just plain awesome. and even amidst all the chaos, you had the wherewithal to thank ME! wow :) you're amazing and i feel so lucky that i get to grow old with you! ^_^

love light blessings health and lots of gelato xoxo

(nyc)

day 16

day 15

day 14

day 13

day 12

you make it, you eat it

when we were little and we used to make dumplings at home with my mom, we had a rule - you make it, you eat it.

i instated the rule because my little 4 year old sister made the most AWFUL looking things she tried to pass off as legitimate. don't worry, we weren't that mean to her, she usually ate the pretty ones my mom made :)

but the concept seems fairly logical, doesn't it? it goes along with other sayings like "you reap what you sow" and "you made your bed, now lie in it", but those have such negative connotations.

what if what you made was the most awesome, crackalicious stuff ever? not only would you be so proud of your creations, but everyone else would want a piece too.

what are you making with your life lately? what are you eating? where are you spending your time and energy, what are you investing in? what kind of dumplings do you have to show for yourself?

(nyc)

p.s. on that note, today i made dumplings made out of pure procrastination :P

day 11

feeling totally high

my new obsession of the moment... so in love with this song for so many reasons!!

tonight... we are young... so let's set the world on fire... we can burn brighter... than the sun......

(nyc)

day 10

day 9

day 8

day 7

day 6

impromptu nyc subway jam

this is why i love this city, my city... only here would two total strangers jam it up in between stops and make a little happiness along the way...

sigh :)

(nyc)

day 5

one and the same

i think the biggest fallacy of all religions is this notion that you and i are separate entities than this Supreme Being we call God. not only does He reside within us, but we are born of Him and by Him, and in fact, ARE Him.

in our moments of creativity, in our moments of unconditionality, in our moments of freedom and joy, we are not separate. we embody the exact components of the God in all of us at that time.

actually, we are God all the time, it's just that we fail to recognize it. why would anyone make their highest creations any less than the fullest of who they are?

He exists through us.

stop avoiding your beauty. be amazing, just the way that you were originally designed.

(nyc)

day 4

day 3

day 2, 2012

day 1, 2012

(washington dc)

happy new year world!

work hard
play harder
love hardest

give and forgive
be present
love is my only religion

allow all
choose happiness
walk in blessing

be magnificent
be glorious
be BEAUTIFUL

one love:
JUST BREATHE......

thank you 2011

it's been a beautiful, ever-changing, ever-expanding journey...

ONE LOVE.

xoxo youri

(washington dc)

resort of maraschino flavored cooling towels

sigh... i miss this place, especially at christmas :)

(washington dc)

i like i like

totally loooove this balmain top

(nyc)

so effing proud

of my brother. for multiple reasons.

for his recent promotion, for how hard he works, for his generosity, for his integrity of character.

but most of all, for his deep and genuine understanding of love.

today, he blew me away on a whole new level and it made me realize how big of a man he is, in the fullest sense of the word.

ddk, you're a fucking rock star.

(nyc)

i like it crunchy

snow blankets

air sharp crisp

night fall stars

pure silence

glitter sun

i can hear my own breath...

(nyc)

i'm fucking matt damon!

i love him, sooo want to work with him :)

and of course, jimmy kimmel's hilarious response:

and another oldie but goodie from jimmy kimmel:

was reading on article on matt damon earlier today and remembered the video he did with sarah silverman a few years back. if i had to pick an ocean's guy, he would be it :D

(nyc)

f(x) calculus and juicers and life

what do these three things have in common? a lot more than you might think.

remember functions in high school calculus? here's a very simple one:

basically, your end result would be a function of whatever variable you put in the first place. 

and then there's juicers:

 

whatever you put in is what you get out.

i'm sure you already get the message. but for some reason, people get so confused when they put in a shit variable and expect a good outcome. you put in crap fruit, you get crap juice. you put in the best, nicest fruit and you get healthier, more delicious juice. simple, really. and it only takes one bad apple to ruin the batch.

so stop feeding negativity and doubts and stresses into your life, and really focus on feeding your mind/body/soul with light and joy and beauty. you'll be amazed at the results.

(nyc)

newton's 3rd, part ii

newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. in my interpretation, i understood this to mean that all things are one, and that one force cannot exist without its counterbalance, i.e. light cannot exist without dark. the yin and yang of life.

the more i thought of it though, i realized that there can be further extrapolations from newton's law. remember the children's playground taunt, "i'm rubber, you're glue, whatever i say bounces off me and sticks to you"? it's what you would use when someone called you stupid or something mean. it's not quite the same, but the general idea of this rhyme holds a lot of truth.

whatever you give is what you receive.

the interesting thing about newton's law is that it happens in the same moment. as i push down on the keys of this keyboard, they are equally pushing back at me. as i give love in this moment to x/y/z, i am also receiving love unto myself. this is the key - all too often, we look for answers outside ourselves, rather than realizing our own power. we are already complete and whole, we don't need someone or something else on the outside to confirm or affirm our beauty. our souls did not come with parts missing or broken bits. what comes from the outside can help our wholenesses to grow and to expand our comprehensions, but we are, and always have been, fully capable of giving and receiving love in equal capacity of our own volition. in that same way, we must also be careful of own power to hate or hurt others. in effect, we are hating or hurting our own selves because the source is one and the same.

another thought i was pondering last night was this: according to the physics of this law, as i am asking for something, the answer is already existing. by my mere bringing forth of the request, i am also giving birth to its counterbalance. so that means i never have to worry, because everything that i want is always created in fullness. so why aren't the answers always instant or why do the answers sometimes stink?

i think that's why we need to not lose faith, be careful and be specific in our requests, and to not pollute our vibrations with negative thoughts. it slows things down and mutates the answer. we cannot expect a good positive outcome when we spew out negativity and darkness to begin with, or mix that in somewhere in the process. and we must recognize that we are constantly asking for things, even if we don't realize it. many times they are not even conscious thoughts, but in our conditioned emotional responses, which is why it is so important to be positive. it is a muscle to be trained like any other. we must make our requests in good faith and hold steady for the good outcome.

because this is not just gibberish, but an actual proven physical law of the universe, as put forth by isaac newton, one of the most revered scientists of all time.

(nyc)

i like the way you think

(nyc)

all i want for christmas...

is YOU!!! ^_^

this song makes me really happy inside :D

(nyc)

oh kermie...

got called in for another voiceover job (yay!), but seeing as that i'm sick and sound like:

the producer rescinded the job offer (boo!). so i've resorted to talking to myself just to keep myself entertained. might as well have fun with this, right?

that's right, i sound like a damn sexy frog. lick me miss piggy.

(nyc)

newton's third law of motion

in my previous posts earlier this year, i wrote about how physics and newton's first law and second law of motions apply to real life. here's my take on #3:

for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

for some reason, this whole concept fascinated me when i first learned about it in high school. my physics teacher explained that if we were pushing up against a wall, the wall was equally pushing back at us. it made for a funny image in my head that totally captivated me for some unknown reason and has stuck with me for all these years.

i think it must have been because it's something that we all inherently understand, even as little kids. for example, if you hit someone on the playground, they're going to hit you right back!

but on a bigger picture scale, newton's concept is interesting because it implies that nothing can exist without its equal and opposite force. there can be no light without dark. there can be no joy without pain. there can be no laughter without tears. it is only through the co-existence of pairs that these life forces can even exist in the first place. yet how often do we only cherish and pursue one-half of that equation? we always only want the "good" stuff, but the reality is that we have to accept the wholeness. because ultimately, it is all one and the same.

and therein newton's third law of motion, is proof yet again of life's simplest philosophy ---
be. here. now.

just breathe.

"the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" - kalil gibran

next up, calculus.

(nyc)

intimacy

please
don't judge me
for my face
nor my body
because of the car i drive
or the zip code i live in
because of my current job
or bank account balance
for my age
race
gender
belief system

please
don't judge
my past
my present
my future

look at my
soul

then tell me again what you just wanted to say
because i really want to be able to hear you
without being afraid of getting hurt

(nyc)

gone fishing

whenever i go snorkeling, the little kid in me always wants to catch a fish with my bare hands, even though i know it's next to impossible.

it's maddening, they're so sneaky, those slippery little suckers...

and the more i chase them, the further away they swim. yet if i manage to stay still long enough, they'll swim around me, allowing me to appreciate their colorful beauty. i don't know why i feel such a need to grab and touch them. weird instinct, eh? yet i know we all feel it, as humans.

why do we chase things so hard, and feel a need to grab and hold onto them? why is this our first instinct, instead of allowing the beauty to come to us? sometimes, every once in a blue moon, we do capture the fish. we capture the moment, the goal, the prize. and it's so satisfying, yet one moment we have it, and the next, it's gone.

i don't know why i keep expecting that life will not be fleeting and ephemeral. i keep thinking that if i can just hold onto this moment of knowingness, it will last for all my life. that i can hold onto that peace and calm and place of nonresistance. but the current always changes and the seas never remain still for long.

so what's a snorkeler to do?

learning, and relearning, every single day. how to swim with the flow, how to breathe still, how to let the fish come to me, how to notice the colors...

(nyc)

today i am especially grateful for

daily hot showers

the yummy homemade pasta i had for lunch

my family, both blood and beyond

free international calls on skype and texts through whatsapp

my clean bed

and a special thank you to

for sharing this very meaningful video with me:

Louie Schwartzberg's TED Talk on Gratitude

grazie mille caro tesoro, sempre :)

(nyc)

snow white and the huntsman

can't wait to see this, totally my kind of movie on so many levels...

have a major crush on the lead... yeah charlize. chris hemsworth ain't so bad either :)

(nyc)

but

it's like we're all made of stitching, held together by these tiny miniscule invisible seams, and every time someone or something hurts us, one of those stitches bursts and it stings, but it's momentary and it heals with time.

and then sometimes there are those life events that just completely rip you open and gut you from head to toe. and you're bleeding and bleeding and nothing can contain the pain because it's too much all at once and all the seams are destroyed and there's nothing there to hold you together anymore. what happens then? how do you put yourself back together and how much time does it take?

some people never recover. some do a horrible job of putting themselves back in one piece, looking like a semblance of themselves on the outside, but completely disfigured on the inside. they shrivel up to life, they shrink and become bitter, cynical, hardened. but there are others...

the truth is, it happens to all of us, all the time. sometimes it happens suddenly, bloodily, painfully. sometimes we die a thousand tiny deaths over and over again. but it's called life and it's called growing up. we all bear the scars, the wounds.

it takes time, but i promise promise promise it is possible to become light again. when you're plunged into the massive currents of a rip tide and you have no idea which way is up or down and you're drowing - it's ok. it's ok to be lost there, it's ok to drown there. it's ok to give up there.

because a time will come, when you will slowly start to float up to the surface. you will find the glimmer of light and it will be fleeting and faint, but... there is a but. you have to choose the but. because all that you thought that you lost, is not. there's more. there's beyond. and it'll take time, but you have to keep choosing the buts, slowly.

i'll be waiting.

(nyc)

in place of

in place of all your hurt, i am covering it with my well wishes for you
in place of all your anger, i am covering it with future happinesses for you
in place of all your sorrow, i am covering it with love for you

i can't imagine
what it must be like
to be in your shoes

but for as long as you need

in place of all your darkness, i will cover it with light for you
until you find that place too...

(nyc)

oggi facciamo la spesa

(nyc)

fly higher

i love airports and plane rides. traveling always excites me, even if i'm tired because i've been up all night (which somehow always happens to be the case). i love the motion and flow of everything swirling around me.

one thing i realized this trip is that no matter what's happening down there, on earth - it could be rain, thunderstorms, snow, nighttime, etc. - that once the plane starts to climb higher and higher - it is always sunny once we break through the clouds. the brightness never goes anywhere, no matter what's happening down below. it's just a matter of lifting ourselves high enough to be in the light. hmm....

(somewhere b/t ord>ewr)

scary as sh*t

today my cousin took me to a shooting range and i shot a glock.

it's incredibly scary. the noise, the flying bullet parts, the kickback, all of it. i was so nervous that i kept sweating, and i never sweat due to nerves. when you actually hold a real handgun and feel the force as you fire even just a single shot... i felt flooded. vulnerability, fear, nervousness, out of control, raw. all my senses felt heightened beyond because i was being so careful, so focused.

interestingly, my cousin said it makes him feel in control and powerful. maybe that comes with time, but for my first time, i was absolutely terrified. i felt so exposed.

it's nothing like the movies or video games or paintball. they make it look so easy. i can't believe the difference between what it looks like on screen and what it feels like in your hands. COMPLETELY different.

the only way i could hit my shots was to slow down, breathe very deeply, let it all fully out, including my hardwired instinct to flinch, and then follow through with the action. i never fully realized the power of my breath until today. nor how quickly something that can end your life instantly can make you feel so exposed and raw. it gave me a lot to think about.

(chicago)

writer crush

today i had the honor of attending a special screening and Q&A of martin scorsese's newest film, hugo:

the trailer does not do this film justice... it's magical, please go see it!! the opening shot is amazing, and the set is fantastic (apparently they actually built the whole entire train station!). there's something about old paris that really resonates with me, and fantasy movies in general, where the setting plays an enormous role in creating dream worlds. the film made me fall even more deeply in love with the magic of moviemaking.

the entire cast was present, as was the screenwriter, john logan. what a stud. i got to meet and talk to him! i felt giddy. i'm pretty sure i was smiling a little too big. kind of like the time i was bowled over by john hodgman, another studly writer. maybe i have a thing for johns.  

(nyc) :D

yup yup

"be humble for you are made of earth, be noble for you are made of stars."
- serbian proverb

(nyc)

mutilated corn

was scrolling through my old pixx and came across this:

a friend of mine from tokyo came to visit over the summer, and her five-year-old son and i decided to share a corn on the cob during lunch. i told him i would take my bites after he was done with it first.

this is what he hands me.

apparently, my friends are raising a chipmunk, not a human being.

(nyc) :)

cosmic sequence

from terence malick's "tree of life"

(watch it full screen...)

how can one watch this and not feel... something...

(nyc)

raw

this past week i got to film the lead role for an amazing character... but three days after, i feel so emotionally fucked up after inhabiting all her emotions that i can't stop crying for no reason at all. the character is dealing with the repercussions of emotional and physical abuse, and as an actress, i feel lucky to have gotten the chance to play a character of such depth. but on a personal level, i can't shake it off... my real life is nothing like the character's, but i feel like i got ripped open somehow. i feel small and fragile, raw and broken... my heart just feels like it's bleeding, slowly... and it hurts. it really hurts.

(nyc)

someone like you

(nyc)

game changer

sometimes you manage to be in the right place at the right time in your life, and you can just feel it.

you get to participate in something that you just know is about to change your momentum going forward.

thank you to the amaaaaaazing crew i had the honor of working with this week, down to every single last PA. you guys made it possible for me to shine, and i couldn't have done it without all your seriously hard work.

super excited to see the rough cut already... :)

(nyc)

specificity

today i had another stunt choreography rehearsal for a role that i'll be filming soon. i never realized exactly how very specific all these movements have to be. it's been an eye-opening, bruise-inducing experience for me so far, but i'm loving all of it. i'm learning so much about intention, being specific and being centered within my body and my emotions, and it's making me realize - it's just like the writing and editing work that i do, only this is all physical. and then i realized - actually, it's just like all of life, period.

sometimes, you just need to experience things in a different way to illuminate your spirit.

learning.

(nyc)

immense

i just feel immense right now.
my heart feels swollen with love, with pride, with beauty
with gratitude.


this this this!! is what it's all about
creation in the highest.

(times square)

unconditional

means i want the best for you
that i want you to be happy
that i want you to look good
that i want you to shine

so that i can stand in the presence of your light

please don't let your ego or your pride or your fear
block that

what is the point of being so beautiful
if you've got no one to share it with
and no one to appreciate you?

(nyc)