blue in green

ok, to redeem myself - here's one of my favorite songs, ever - blue in green by the iconic miles davis.

no matter how many times i listen to this song, every single time it moves me inside to a different place...

(nyc)

dance dance!

i have the musical tastes of a teenage girl :D

actually, scratch that. not even a teenage girl, but maybe more like a tween. should i be embarrassed? but i honestly love this stuff ^_^  (in my defense, the last video of hilary duff in the lizzie maguire movie was filmed in rome, which was the whole reason i watched the movie to begin with, b/c i was homesick after having just moved out of there!)

enjoy! :D

(nyc)

help

"we do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." - native american proverb

why do some people not believe in global warming? our planet is really not doing well these days. it's sick and yet some refuse to acknowledge this as fact. this week i felt my entire building shake as an earthquake hit manhattan. how is this normal in nyc? and now the entire east coast is bracing for an extreme hurricane making its way up from the bahamas this weekend.

the one-after-another impact of all these global fires, mudslides, earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis is sending a clear signal that the earth needs help, yet people continue to consume and waste our planet's resources voraciously. it's something that i have become so conscious of, yet i feel that my personal actions are miniscule against the overwhelmingness of it all. it makes me sad.

i love trees. magnolias, oak, bamboo, cypress, lemon, weeping willows. it sounds funny, but sometimes i'll pass a tree and think to myself "wow, that's a good-looking tree" as if i just saw a hot girl or a nice car. and i'll stop to check out its leaves and trunk, and maybe take a picture or just remember its location. and i think of how long it took for that tree to grow, all those years, particularly because i love big, substantial trees. trees give so much of themselves. oxygen, shade, flowers, a place for treehouses, icicle holders, a purpose for tire swings. even in death, they give paper and furniture and create warmth in a fireplace. but they're disappearing, so quickly now.

in an avalanche, every snowflake claims innocence. maybe what each of does is so small, but what we each do can also be so big.

(nyc)

blech

sick sick sick

bad summer cold

my head is pounding, my body is aching, my nose is stuffed and the writing deadlines are piling up on top of me. plus i turned down 4 days of commercial work?!

tried going to the office today to write but my officemates kicked me out. with good reason.

ack. something good better be brewing out there for me. yeah, i'm talking to you God.

(nyc)

old korea + new korea

the human body - the human soul - is capable of amazing creations when you demand the best of its abilities.

inspiration in motion:

(nyc)

disappointment

i realize now that my expectations were unrealistic
in thinking that you were above being human
above the fray
my disappointment is my own fault
but i respected and
admired
you
for so long
you helped me grow so much
and opened up my path
in ways previously unimaginable
and then to realize
that you were not only susceptible
to vanity and superego
but that it was your driving force
behind all that otherworldly success
disguised behind all those words
all those beautiful words
i feel a bit foolish now
yet i can't fault you
you are allowed to be human too
just like them
just like me
and so i start again
with a renewed understanding
that being human
never stopped anyone from changing the world
and so
i
learn
again

(nyc)

guts guts guts!!!

in one of the ramona quimby books, there's a chapter where ramona gets so upset that she threatens to say a bad word. she's in such a bad mood that she actually does it. she screws up her face, stomps her feet and then yells - "guts guts GUTS!!!"

i remember being horrified when i read that. i couldn't believe she actually said it! i was seven years old, and i totally remember feeling that guts was actually a very bad word! she might as well have said fuck, if i had known that word back then. how could beverly cleary have been so tapped into the average child's mind that she understood the gravity of such a word at that point in life? funny. hilarious actually. and amazing.

i have absolutely no utter idea why in the world i thought guts was such a bad word. but it couldn't have been just me who felt that way - the author knew enough to know that it would resonate with all kids. maybe that was a more innocent time back then. today's children seem to grow up without the same kind of naivety and wonder that i had.

how is it though, that guts was ever such a bad word? it's ironic that even now, as adults, it still seems to be a bad word. maybe more like an ignored word.

a human being is made up of more than just his mind or his heart. there's actually a third, even more essential part of a human soul - and that's the guts. it's that visceral reaction, that little voice in the back of the head, that tingling sensation of awareness. your guts should speak louder, scream louder, than any other internal compass you've got, but for some reason, we're taught to bury it and ignore it and even doubt its existence. that's not just a shame - it's wrong.

your gut will ALWAYS point you in the right direction. you know it, deep down, but maybe you're scared or you're not ready, so you give precedence to your emotions or to your logic. 

don't.

cultivate your guts. listen to them. nurture them. follow them. have the courage to believe in them.

because they will always guide you to your highest calling.

FUCKING GUTS.

(nyc)

BEAUTIFUL!!!

i had forgotten what truly clean air smells like!! it never smells like this in manhattan!!

sometimes certain smells bring me right back to certain places and moments. like super polluted air brings me right back to korea or asuncion :) but when i smell really super clean air like today, it actually reminds me of dallas on nice spring days. must be all the open space out there. i think the air in manhattan gets clogged up in between all the buildings and there's not enough fresh air circulating through. and just open clean air is different than what it smells like by the ocean with the salt or in a forest with all the trees and moss.

after a lot of heat and humidity, we had a really hard rain in new york the other day. and yesterday and today has been magical with the breeze and sunshine. it just makes me feel so incredibly happy, content and at peace with my life!! i've been feeling that way lately anyway and the weather just reflects perfectly what i feel on the inside.

la vita e bella! ^_^

(nyc)

happy birthday

i didn't ask for you, but i'll say it again. God could not have given me a better sister. considering my lack of choice in the matter, i hit the lottery when it came to siblings. it's not just your love and support and the way we've grown together over the years, but it's totally about who you are, the choices you make that make you YOU and your bright pink energy star sparkle :) sometimes i think you forget how shiny you can be, but your smile always says it all. i love it when you're happy and i want nothing more than for you to fully realize your own power and beauty - today and everyday. you will always raise my stock, be my partner in crime, one-half of my jju-jju-ppa :D i love you like cookie monster belongs on cupcakes.

(nyc)

diary

i asked God for a full life, not realizing that it also meant that it would not be easy.

there is truth to the statement that ignorance is bliss. some people just float through life, choosing to avoid the darknesses. there's nothing wrong with that.

but it's not full, and it's not complete.

i realized, this past week, that were it not for the darkest pits, i would not know how bright life could be.

i'm blessed because i receive what i ask for, in unimaginable magnitudes. both sides.

in one week, i felt the whole range. 

i felt small, raw, shredded, bleeding, alone.

i felt peaceful, connected, rewarded, loved.

and then it starts again.

every day.

new.

and i choose for it to be full.

(nyc)