econ 101

when there is less of something, its value increases. even when something that already exists becomes smaller and miniaturized, it somehow becomes cuter and thus more valuable.

examples:

a holy cow ferrari

or mini-hamburgers

in theory and in practice, it makes sense. when demand is constant, it increases when there is less supply of a certain something. and when there is plenty of supply or overcapacity, the demand slacks off.

and how about with relationships? 

guys/girls always like the girls/guys who won't give them the time of day, yet never notice the one who's standing right beside them, ready, giving and willing. 

unfortunately, affection too works like economics and i don't know why we're wired this way. 

wouldn't life be fuller, more beautiful and more peaceful, if none of us craved love, gave freely of it and from it without condition and didn't think that this was such an odd thing? i've met so few people who are capable of living and loving this way, and of the ones that i have, they truly shine and stand out for me. it's amazing to see a human being in his or her full glory, doing what we are all essentially designed for at our core, which is to love freely, deeply and genuinely.

to the bigger hearts out there in the world, cheers to you.

(west hollywood)

life in the hills

really, really grateful for this:

this is why i want to move here, for this view, and for this week, i have it. thank you God/universe/the oneness.

when the insides match the outsides and the outsides match the insides, all is good in this world. i breathe.

(beverly hills)

coming soon

on a scale of 1 to 10, my life veers wildly between a -10 and 20. the highs are unimaginably ridiculous and i can't believe how blessed i truly, truly am. the people, the opportunities, the resources, the work... it's amazing.

the darknesses have been gut-wrenching, character-testing, faith-shattering moments of blackness. 

and through all this... i wonder why i am so rich. my life is so full, in both good ways and "bad", that i feel wealthy inside... and it just makes me wonder, where is this all leading to? what am i being shaped for? what is the purpose of my extreme life? i feel like i'm being tested for something, i just don't know what exactly.

i wish i knew right this very moment, but i also know that the answer is coming soon... i'm starting to see my thoughts literally become reality lately.

(napa valley)

spoilers ahead

have you ever wanted to know what's going to happen next in your life, how things are going to turn out? have you ever gone to see a fortune teller or a palm reader, asking questions about your job, your love life, or maybe some sort of problem?

people say all the time, "it's no fun if you know how things are going to turn out. that's why there are no guarantees in life, that's what makes it fun!" and i think "bullshit." i never understood that sentiment. i always am so curious, almost greedy, to know the final answer...

until recently.

i was watching:

and that's when i got it. i had read some online review about an upcoming episode and even though the author had warned about the spoilers ahead, i read it anyway b/c i thought i wouldn't care. and then when i watched the actual episode, i realized that i did. i did care. it took all the fun out of the show, knowing that i knew the twists and turns of the plot.

and that's when i finally realized the true meaning of that saying, which had been just a cliche to me up till that point. people say it in passing without really meaning it, it's just one of those things that you say. and it always sounded hollow to me, but now i understand that life really is no fun when you know the ending.

the excitement happens in the moments of not knowing. that's what we look forward to in tv shows and movies - without the suspense of the ride, we would never watch such flat, boring stories. yet in real life, we forget this very point b/c we're so focused on getting to the end results and feeling anxious about it the whole time. we forget to breathe... in the moment.

enjoy the now. it's what we actually truly live for.

(napa valley)

tired, but

grateful.

and things become real.

(san fran)

more than enough

you know that scene in jerry maguire where tom cruise's character tells renee zellweger's, "you complete me."?

it's the stuff that women swoon about. women think that life and love should be just like they are in the movies. and i'll the first to admit that i totally love romantic comedies, but that particular line drives me nuts! 

as human beings, we are not all puzzles with missing pieces that someone needs to come in and fill up. i believe that we are all more than enough within ourselves. i've always believed that a person should be able to stand on his/her own two feet on all levels, and that the partner you find is about making your life bigger, brighter and better. it's not about completion, b/c you are already whole, but it's about making the colors more vivid and intense and expanding a life that is shared. 

instead of searching for the "missing" parts of your life, start focusing on creating such a life that everyone wants to come join your party. be complete within yourself. fun attracts fun. light attracts light. completeness attracts completeness.

yes, i am talking to you. you know who are you are, my friend. 

and you are definitely, definitely more than enough.

i have always loved you, as is. believe it.

(nyc)

stripes & colors

i love interior design.

i clipped these pixx awhile ago and was holding onto them. for some reason, they just make me happy inside. i just like to look at the combination of the colors and the stripes :)

(nyc)

letting go...

two zen monks, tanzan and ekido, were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains. near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side.

the monks walked on in silence. five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, ekido could not restrain himself any longer. "why did you carry that girl across the road? we monks are not supposed to do things like that."

"i put that girl down hours ago," said tanzan. "are you still carrying her?"

(nyc)

boldness

"until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. all sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. a whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way." -- w.h. murray from the scottish himalaya expedition, 1951

"whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. boldness has genius, power and magic in it. begin it now." -- johann wolfgang von goethe

(nyc)

smartypants

some people are seriously smart. i am in awe of the processing power of their brains, the depth and breadth of their knowledge and the myriad of their accomplishments.

but the thing is...

sometimes these same people are just a little too smart. because most really intensely intellectually smart people have a problem letting go. they feel the need to control everything, everyone and all situations, b/c in reality, they are almost always right! especially when it comes to work situations and business decisions.

but being in control and being right are the direct antitheses to letting things happen in your life... the unpredictable messy ones i mean. like falling in love or taking emotional risks in general. opening yourself up to hurt, to chance. letting your heart and guts make the decisions instead of the brains. nurturing that little voice inside your head that is your soul. the problem with being so smart is that you can extrapolate every possible scenario out into the future, ten, fifteen, fifty chess moves ahead of everybody else. and when you do, reasons can always be found to justify a no.

how is that, in the grand scheme of things, considered smart?

i have one life to live, no dress rehearsals. i will never get this second back, this minute, the one i just spent writing these sentences. you, who are taking the time to read this, will never get this time back either.

so what if i get burned? so what if my heart shatters into a million pieces? so what if i fall? isn't that what all of this is for? this thing called life? isn't that why i have a heart, a body, a soul, a brain? to use it all to shreds before all my seconds are gone and the lights go dark?

maybe i'm one of the dumb ones. but for every yes i said yes to, and for every no you said no to, my life has been that much fuller, deeper, darker and brighter. my scars are beautiful. my compassion has been stretched to encompass more than you have yet to know.

take a chance. just jump.

(nyc)

stuff that makes me happy

lately my days are a blur of nonstop to-do lists.

so i'm just going to stop and do nothing for five minutes. in fact, i'm just going to make a list of things that make me happy for no reason at all:

big fat trees

cracking the crunchy top on a creme brulee

tin cans, ribbons and stickers

riding my bike

anything stripes

cherries and avocados and watermelon

cobblestones

reading the classified ads

things with a lot of texture and heft

people who smile for real, from the inside - this is rare

ugly dogs

sunshine and a breeze

pasta pasta pasta

the sound of running water

wrapping presents

giving presents

the smell of hyacinths and gardenias

making grandmas smile when i compliment them

super bright colors

beautiful girls

silk, cashmere and leather

the way my stomach feels empty in the morning

super hot showers

really soft bedsheets

babies

the bookstore

peanut butter cookies

new magazines

you.

(nyc)

people that make you go hmmm

tonight i met someone who struck me b/c he was just so real.

i can't quite put my finger on it, but his energy struck me b/c it seemed so neutral. that's a funny word, but i don't mean it in a negative way. he was just simply present as a human being, wanting nothing and needing nothing, but just being himself. no projections, no perceptions, no agenda, no small talk. just real. just present. i don't know how else to describe it.

it was nice. it had nothing to do with the way we were interacting or anything romantic or even friendly. it didn't even have anything to do with two people just clicking or getting along as people sometimes do. it was just about one human being recognizing another, minus the surface of this world. such a strange way to describe it, but sometimes i meet people, however briefly, that move me for some reason. hmm.

(nyc)

here

i saw your twin in the waiting room at the doctor's office

i couldn't stop staring at him

i had dinner with j and b tonight

we all miss you

think of you

i feel you

i know you're here

but

sometimes i just wish

my heart didn't have to ache exactly this way.

(nyc)

two wolves

one evening an old cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

"my son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. one is evil. it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

the other is good. it is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

the grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "which wolf wins?"

the old cherokee simply replied, "the one you feed."

(nyc)

off

some days, i am just cranky. it doesn't happen very often, but every once in awhile, i just want to tell my mind to stuff it. i want to tell my to-do list to disappear, i want words and paragraphs and chapters to magically appear on my screen, i want time to slow down and wait for me to catch up. i want my calendar to stop freaking me out every time i look at the deadlines on it and i want to just float in a warm ocean full of salt and orange sherbet sunsets.

trying to breathe more slowly right now...

(nyc)

  

newton's second law / before & after part ii

lesson two:

force equals mass times acceleration. the greater the mass, the more force that is needed to accelerate.

blah blah blah physics.

so what.

in my 'before & after' post, i showed a picture of a chest of drawers that got a makeover. visually and concretely, it is the simplest way to see change in tangible form. but that was a piece of furniture. how about a human being?

changing yourself has to be one of the hardest things you can ever do in life. it is so so so much easier to criticize others and tell them to change, get angry at your circumstances rather than change your own self, and fingerpoint at everyone and everything else rather than look into your own heart. and the longer you become set in your ways, the harder it becomes to change. which relates back to newton's first law of inertia.

it takes a massive amount of force to change the largest mass in your own life - you.

but the good news is that it's not impossible. no force on this planet is completely immoveable. things are moving all the time; even on the tiniest level, our atoms are always vibrating. 

but how do you make a mass light enough so that it can be moved? how do you make it so that it doesn't require all the force in the world to get going, changing, accelerating? easy. yet also incredibly difficult - let go of your ego.

when you can admit that you are not always the right one, the one with all the answers and the center of your own universe, the world literally opens up. there is so much out there to be explored, experienced and loved, and all you have to do in order to participate is just say YES. it is much easier to travel without the baggage of ego. when you're willing to make mistakes, willing to let others lead the way and willing to let go of control, the forces of light & love & beauty that exist out there in the world can pick you up and start moving you. you become a moveable mass, a veritable moveable feast a la hemingway.

and again, the choice is yours. you can choose to focus on the light, on the possibilities, on the love. because if you want it, it is all there for the taking. it always has been...

funny how a hard-data quantitative science like physics explains "qualitatives" like love?

to be continued in part iii...

(nyc) 

before & after

i find some kind of almost-perverse pleasure in this concept of before & after. actually, i think all humans do. i find it especially satisfying visually when it comes to interior design, which i have always loved. whenever i step into a room or see a random piece of furniture, i immediately start re-arranging it all in my head and imagine what i could do with the space/the piece/the material.

here's an example:

perfectly functional set of ikea drawers - who doesn't heart ikea?

but then - ta-daaah!!!

how cool is that! it just makes me all happy inside :)))

part ii coming in a bit...

(nyc)

did anyone tell you today

that you are beautiful?

you are.

did anyone tell you today that you are loved?

i do.

anytime you need to be told, come read this again. and again.

xoxo

(nyc)

treehugger

"teach your children what we have taught ours, that the earth is our mother. whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. the earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth. man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. we do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children." - chief seattle

sometimes, many times, living in a city of high rises, yellow taxi cabs and concrete sidewalks, i forget how moving nature can be. it transcends daily life b/c it is perfect in design. there are no glitches, no miscommunications, no mistakes. nature only absorbs and reflects back exactly what is put into it - which is why it is so important to take care of it, so that it will continue to take care of us.

thank you qb for sharing the video above, it had been awhile since i had seen it :)

(ironically, nyc)

if only you knew

how deeply happy this picture makes me.... :D

(nyc)